Letting Go…

Lennon is 3 1/2. Tonight, when putting him in his big boy bed, I glanced over to his crib, and I looked at his 2 baby outfits I have hanging on the wall, and it hit me hard. My heart broke in half. My little baby was gone… and I just stood there in the dark… holding Lennon in my arms and crying.

I was talking to Ma about the crib earlier tonight at dinner, and she mentioned putting it away to have more room in there, which is the right thing to do, but I can’t seem to let it go. Lennon was a miracle child for us and only God knows if there will ever be another, but for right now, it seems that crib is keeping me from shattering into pieces.

Tonight as I spoke with Lucas about it on the phone, I wept. My heart grows happy with each and every stage Lennon goes through, but it also weeps at the loss of each stage. Tonight I mourn letting go of his babyhood… It seems unfair… but I know it’s for the greater good. Nothing lasts forever, and I need to remember that if his infancy hadn’t passed… I wouldn’t have heard his sweet words, I Wuv-ooo Mommy… today. With each passing, there’s a new beginning. As hard and heartbreaking as it is… We must learn to Let Go.

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